return my video game
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
