i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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