he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
