Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
