we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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