I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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