1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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