This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
