I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
