i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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