I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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