In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
soo... how was my night?
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