1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
