I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
