i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
