Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
