4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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