If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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