Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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