I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.