i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.