watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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