who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke