Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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