end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed