She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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