I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
