Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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