nutella sex= disaster
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
