WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
