My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
