Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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