There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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