Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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