I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
