i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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