i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
