so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
