so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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