Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
