the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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