I'm lost and stupid without you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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