i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
