Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
