whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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