Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
