So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
