i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
