I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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