the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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