And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I stole a fireplace last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
