Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just googled if crying burns calories
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
