I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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