Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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