Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
