My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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