Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
