I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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