so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
