I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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