we're blogging at a bar
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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