we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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