There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
