when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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