when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
