I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize