I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
