May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
