I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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