The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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