So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let's get the cat blown out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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