Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
