Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
