You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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